Broken News

Don’t read the news much? we’ll get you all caught up here on some of it.

There is a Whale about to Explode Bacteria All Over Trout River

It’s true, and it’s made the national and even international news. Trouble is, it’s a blue whale — the largest animal in the world — and there’s no community effort mighty enough to move the poor, bloated beast. It’s not like you can always get a huge boat close enough to shore to drag it away, for example. When a huge whale dies, it doesn’t always sink, it can float, and eventually, wash ashore. We’re talking about eighty tonnes of rotting carcass here, and that includes the pile of undigested food and ever-growing piles of bacteria in its gut — the end result of that combination is a lot of methane gas forming inside a whale body that’s expanding like a balloon, and like an over-inflated balloon, it could pop, spraying an unhealthy spray into the air. The people of Trout River simply don’t know what to do. Typically, disposing of a dead whale falls on the municipality it has washed up in. There are only 600 residents in Trout River, the animal is rotting (as in stinking the place up) and their mayor doesn’t have the resources or precedents he needs to deal with it. Federal officials (like DFO) are saying deal it it, let it rot and decompose. But there’s some health risks to consider with that approach, such as nasty bacteria going up like a mushroom cloud (this thing has already bloated to twice its size and is ready to go off like a geyser). Many scientists advocate piercing the whale, the sooner the better. Here’s how that goes (and this is only a sperm whale, not too over-bloated):

Head’s Up: Snow Tire Fines Begin May 1st 

Today is the last day to get your studded snow tires off, without being fined. But, it’s not like we know of anyone they’ve ever actually caught and fined, right? So relax. No one’s going to judge you for harming our precious, pristine, pothole-free, and immaculate roadways.

Frank Coleman Wants To Put on His Premier Pants ASAP.

To recap: Dunderdale fizzled out during the black-outs in January and stepped down, Tom Marshall was shoed in as our interim premiere, but had no intention to stick around. There was supposed to be a proper PC leadership race for a new premier, between the party’s Bill Barry and Frank Coleman, with a vote in July, but Bill Barry shocked many when he abruptly hauled out of the running, citing a lack of support from his party that bordered on verifiable conspiracy and shady behaviour. We’re going to have a premier no one voted for, unless his party refuses to formally endorse him.

After the dust settled, Coleman was two things: 1.) seemingly calm and in no rush to take on the role or even share his plans for leading the province, and 2.) being crucified for his pro-life views on abortion (which he was adamant shouldn’t affect his actions as premier).

News broke this week he wants to take over right away come July, and he claims it was a miscommunication that he wasn’t intending to dive right in as soon as he could. He even looks a little more lively in recent photos.