So, we put out a call for the public to share some of their worst date stories for our February issue. Behold this spoiler, a clear winner:

I met a girl over plenty of fish. Picked her up for a coffee and a drive. She wanted to be picked up at the Avalon Mall (first flag), but I gave her the benefit of the doubt, thinking I could be a serial killer or what not.

She then gets in my car, proceeds to be grossed out by my beard, and then asks if I can do her a favour. She wants to know if I can pick up her mom at the DMV. Me being the nice guy I am said sure. As she rushes me to get to the DMV, she proceeds to be rude and annoying. “Mudder can’t wait all day,” she says as I’m driving through traffic.

I arrive at the DMV, she gets out to grab her mom. Then the rest of her family walks out as well; her 11 year old sister, her mom, and large white male we will call ‘Tiny,’ who was recently just out of the slammer. I let this girl have a smoke in my parents’ car I was driving, because of them being out of town. Of course her entire family lights up a smoke each when they get in, including the 11 year old sister. They go through 2 packs in my car while I drive this family around to do errands.

Next thing you know I’m waiting outside Sobeys while they get/rob groceries (Classic Tiny), then proceed to drop them at the mall to buy a dress. Then me and tiny had to run a special errand.

After that, and picking them back up at the mall, I then dropped the parents home while we picked up more smokes for the 11 year old girl who was fresh out. Backing out of the store, I bumped into a car after just having my licence for 3 weeks. Thank god nothing was done and both cars were fine so we went about our day. I dropped this girl’s sister off, and then she rushed me to bring her to work.

Finally I think this date from hell is over and she calls saying her mother left her jacket in my car. After I cried knowing I would have to see her again, I dropped it off at her work. She then proceeded to call me and accuse me of robbing hundreds of dollars out of her mom’s jacket with credit cards too. I laughed and hung up as this clearly must of been a thoughtfully planned out skeet sting.”