By Justin Fong, with illustration by Blair Stamp
So Doc, lay it on me straight. I’ve been feeling really lethargic lately. I’ve been sleeping more than ever, but I’ve never felt or looked more tired. I can barely get out of bed in the morning much less leave the house. What’s going on?
Well son, we’ve been seeing a lot of this lately. To be frank, it isn’t good … you’re suffering from a local twist on PTSD, called post traumatic summer disorder. It seems to be triggered by short glimpses, or “windows” of summer as we like to call them. Usually, the fonder the individual’s memories of summer are, the more severe the condition. Children less than 5 years of age for example, seem unaffected.
So doc, what should I do, I can’t live like this anymore?
Well son, the treatment we’ve been recommending, and which has had the most success, is getting on a plane and heading somewhere warm. At this point you are advised to inject summer directly into the bloodstream for 1-2 weeks or until you feel better. The bad news is that this treatment is no longer being offered.
Why not doc? That sounds like it would work for me!
Well it seems that so many people were getting out of town that the blanket of fog has developed airplane antibodies, and they’re no longer able to take off or land. Essentially we are trapped. In the short term, there’s nothing we can do. But as a wise cab driver said to me last week, “This weather isn’t so bad. It could be way worse. At least it’s not war and tornados outside.”