To honour Father’s Day, we lightened up this month’s community poll by lighting it up with your best Dad Jokes.
Whenever a waiter says, “Sorry about your wait,” Dad says, “Are you saying I’m fat?” – CHRISTA DONNELLY
Whenever I’d tell Dad I needed a haircut, he’d ask, “why don’t you get them all cut?” – ANON
What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y. – DON LEGGE
I knew an author who was such a bad writer that no one bought his novels and he died of starvation. I went to visit his grave. The plot’s a little thin. – MICHAEL PICKARD
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down! – TRISHA FARRAWAY
Whenever he’d drive me to singing lessons, Dad would joke “Don’t forget your bucket … so you can carry a tune!” – TAMARA
Did you know the first French fries weren’t actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece. – DUSTIN FLEMMING
I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I ever saw! – BLUSH
Dad: guess what I have in my pocket? Me: give me a hint Dad: starts with an N Me: is it a Napple? Dad: no! Me : is it a norange ? Dad : NO!!! Me : I give up. What is it ? Dad: it’s a negg!!! – ANITA CARROLL
Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? Because he was a little horse! – ANON
Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint. – FRED SKANEs
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day! – OH MY!
What do you call a factory that sells passable products? A satisfactory. – FRED SKANES
Every time Dad drives past a graveyard: Did you know that’s a popular cemetery? Yep, people are just dying to get in there! – CHRIS WATTS
Dad used to say he hates lobster because they’re “so shellfish.” – CHRIS WATTS
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it. – JUSTINE WILIAMS
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it. – JUSTINE WILIAMS
When you ask dad if he’s all right, the answer is always the same: “No, I’m half left.” – DEANNE WHITE
His other favourite, The shovel was a ground-breaking invention. – DEANNE WHITE
“Dad, can you put my shoes on?” “No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.” – ANON
Every Oscars season, dad would crack his joke, “Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.” – ANON
I had a dream that I was a muffler last night. I woke up exhausted! – ALLISON D.
5/4ths of people admit that they’re bad with fractions. – ALLISON D.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine, he woke up. – ALLISON D.
My buddy’s dog can do magic? It’s a Labracadabrador. – CAL
Whenever a waiter asks Dad, “Soup or salad?” he says, “I don’t want a SUPER salad, I want a regular salad.” – CAL
Whenever Mom asks, “How do I look?” Dad says, “With your eyes.” – TINA DUGGAN
What did the horse say after it tripped? “Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!” – CAREY
Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks. – CAREY
Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in-tents! – CAREY
Don’t trust atoms, my son. They make up everything! – MOIRA FINK
The rotation of earth really makes my day. – MOIRA FINK
I’m only familiar with 25 letters in the English language. I don’t know why. –TRENT LAMBE
Dad used to say I needed training wheels to make my bike standup by itself, because it was “two-tired.” – DALE J
What does a zombie vegetarian eat? “GRRRAAAAAIIIINNNNS!” – DALE J
Dad used to say he hates Velcro shoes because “They’re such a total ripoff.” – DALE J
What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? Bison. – BRIAN H.
What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows. – BRIAN H.
You heard of that new band 900 megabytes? They’re good but they haven’t got a gig yet. – JILL DAVIS
Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged. – LAURA PUDDICOMBE
Every Halloween, Dad would ask, Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? (Because they have no body to go with.) – KILEY
Day always jokes that he doesn’t know about sushi, “Because it seem a little fishy.” – KILEY
“I’ll call you later. Don’t call me later, call me Dad.” – DOUG LAHEY
What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? Irrelephant – ANON
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho Cheese. – ANON
What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine. – CLASSIC
A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand. – ANON