In Honour of Fathers’ Day (Yesterday): Your Favorite Dad Jokes

To honour Father’s Day, we lightened up this month's community poll by lighting it up with your best Dad Jokes. 

To honour Father’s Day, we lightened up this month’s community poll by lighting it up with your best Dad Jokes. 

Whenever a waiter says, “Sorry about your wait,” Dad says, “Are you saying I’m fat?” – CHRISTA DONNELLY

Whenever I’d tell Dad I needed a haircut, he’d ask, “why don’t you get them all cut?” – ANON

What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y. – DON LEGGE

I knew an author who was such a bad writer that no one bought his novels and he died of starvation. I went to visit his grave. The plot’s a little thin. – MICHAEL PICKARD

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down! – TRISHA FARRAWAY

Whenever he’d drive me to singing lessons, Dad would joke “Don’t forget your bucket … so you can carry a tune!” – TAMARA

Did you know the first French fries weren’t actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece. – DUSTIN FLEMMING

I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I ever saw! – BLUSH

Dad: guess what I have in my pocket? Me: give me a hint Dad: starts with an N Me: is it a Napple? Dad: no! Me : is it a norange ? Dad : NO!!! Me : I give up. What is it ? Dad: it’s a negg!!! – ANITA CARROLL

Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? Because he was a little horse! – ANON

Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint. – FRED SKANEs

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day! – OH MY!

What do you call a factory that sells passable products? A satisfactory. – FRED SKANES

Every time Dad drives past a graveyard: Did you know that’s a popular cemetery? Yep, people are just dying to get in there! – CHRIS WATTS

Dad used to say he hates lobster because they’re “so shellfish.” – CHRIS WATTS

Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it. – JUSTINE WILIAMS

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it. – JUSTINE WILIAMS

When you ask dad if he’s all right, the answer is always the same: “No, I’m half left.” – DEANNE WHITE

His other favourite, The shovel was a ground-breaking invention. – DEANNE WHITE

“Dad, can you put my shoes on?” “No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.” – ANON

Every Oscars season, dad would crack his joke, “Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.” – ANON

I had a dream that I was a muffler last night. I woke up exhausted! – ALLISON D.

5/4ths of people admit that they’re bad with fractions. – ALLISON D.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine, he woke up. – ALLISON D.

My buddy’s dog can do magic? It’s a Labracadabrador. – CAL

Whenever a waiter asks Dad, “Soup or salad?” he says, “I don’t want a SUPER salad, I want a regular salad.” – CAL

Whenever Mom asks, “How do I look?” Dad says, “With your eyes.” – TINA DUGGAN

What did the horse say after it tripped? “Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!” – CAREY

Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks. – CAREY

Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in-tents! – CAREY

Don’t trust atoms, my son. They make up everything! – MOIRA FINK

The rotation of earth really makes my day. – MOIRA FINK

I’m only familiar with 25 letters in the English language. I don’t know why. –TRENT LAMBE

Dad used to say I needed training wheels to make my bike standup by itself, because it was “two-tired.” – DALE J

What does a zombie vegetarian eat? “GRRRAAAAAIIIINNNNS!” – DALE J

Dad used to say he hates Velcro shoes because “They’re such a total ripoff.” – DALE J

What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? Bison. – BRIAN H.

What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows. – BRIAN H.

You heard of that new band 900 megabytes? They’re good but they haven’t got a gig yet. – JILL DAVIS

Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged. – LAURA PUDDICOMBE

Every Halloween, Dad would ask, Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? (Because they have no body to go with.) – KILEY

Day always jokes that he doesn’t know about sushi, “Because it seem a little fishy.” – KILEY

“I’ll call you later. Don’t call me later, call me Dad.” – DOUG LAHEY

What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? Irrelephant – ANON

What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho Cheese. – ANON

What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine. – CLASSIC

A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand. – ANON

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