“Why does the fact I’m religious keep so many women away? I don’t expect you to come to church with me on Sundays, and I am not judging you for smoking or dancing — I am hammered on a dancefloor more than you, bumming smokes like mad. I don’t get it. God is somethign I am into, like you’re into bad reality TV or gross microwave dinners. I don’t judge what peopel are into, and frankly women don’t judge me for binge drinking or sleeping around, or failing out of MUN, but, believing in GOD? OMG: Stay away from this freak!” – God Freak[rns_reactions]
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Why are women wary of religion? Maybe it has something to do with the millennia of being blamed for all the evil in the world, for being discriminated against/controlled/abused – all in the name of “God”.
Furthermore, I am not interested in having a religious partner because I value my freedom to choose what I see is right and wrong. I don’t want someone else telling me how they think I should behave. I don’t want to have to deal with those days when religion becomes the basis of an ethical argument between myself and my partner. I don’t want someone in my life who believes in what I think is a bunch of bobbycock created to 1) control/brainwash people 2) explain science and 3) justify cruelty.
This is just my opinion. But maybe it helps explain where some of us are coming from.
Find yourself a nice atheist; they are their own god – you can worship them and they’ll insist on it
I’ll preface this by saying my opinion is rooted in negative personal experiences, and I’m sure there are lots of people who don’t have any issues with people of faith. I’ll be a friend to someone of faith, but I will never, ever knowingly date someone with a religion or a belief in any god or deity. I’ve dated all sorts of people, but every religious guy I’ve ever dated started off nice and normal, and then little by little, our values deviated so much that it caused problems.
On the lesser end of things, I had a guy who couldn’t “bear the idea” that I was going to go to Hell for being an atheist and made off-handed petty remarks like that on a routine basis that eventually became something I could not shrug off. It made me miserable and when I told him about it, he told me he accepted me for who I was, so why couldn’t I accept him for who he was? As you may well imagine, that eventually ran its course (though not for lack of trying to find a middle ground).
On the more severe end of things, I had a guy who wanted me to drop out of post-secondary to marry him, move in with him, and bear his children after ten months of being together, and when I didn’t, he cheated on me, raped me, beat me, and then stalked me for three months after I broke up with him. He was the individual who took my virginity and he thereby felt that I was bound to his will, that I was his property, and that in my disobedience, he had every right to brutalize me. We were “married in the eyes of God” and suddenly I was subhuman in his eyes.
I know crazy comes in all varieties, but my experiences with religious people have been persistently negative so if you’ve got a religion, I won’t date you. Short-term it’s probably not a big deal, but long-term it could be. On the off chance that I like you enough to build a life with you, if we chose to have kids, I wouldn’t want you to indoctrinate my children into a belief system that they weren’t old enough to choose for themselves. I say that as someone who has no intention of reproducing, but who knows plans can change when you meet the “right” person. I don’t want to get married in a church (I don’t ever want to get married, and that’s usually a problem unto itself for many people of faith). I don’t want to sit around the family dinner table with my in-laws and listen to them make passive-aggressive remarks about my godlessness, even though I am respectful in their home and I abide by their principles whist under their roof. I don’t want to be looked at scornfully by your fellow religious friends for being a godless heathen. I don’t want to hear some well-meaning person in our social circle tell me they’re going to “pray for me” because clearly I’ve become lost from the flock. I’ve had enough of those experiences, and I’m unwilling to invite more of them into my life.
You might be perfectly wonderful, but religion is a big, BIG deal. Often times, it’s the foundation by which a person chooses to live their life. If our fundamental values for existing don’t align, it’s going to cause problems. Therefore it is an instant disqualifier in the same way that an asthmatic might not date a smoker.
I’m sure that if you’re serious about finding a spouse, you’ll eventually find someone who will admire your faith and love you for who you are, but I’ve met a lot of women who’ve had similar bad experiences, so if you find one that throws up a wall the minute you mention faith, don’t take it too personally. Shake hands and move on. I choose self-preservation over love any day of the week, and I’m willing to bet I’m not the only one.
“God is somethign I am into, like you’re into bad reality TV or gross microwave dinners.”
Interesting comparison. You mean something fake, packaged to look real?
There are different levels of “into God” – are you “into god” like the world is 6000 years old and penguins walked from Antarctica to the middle east? or “into God” like treat people with kindness and respect?
One of those two is incredibly difficult to take seriously. Guess which one?