For a brief but hard-hitting look at humanity, one need look no further than the country’s leading, search-by-city buy & sell website. Here are a few perhaps surprising services at your disposal in St. John’s.
NON-SEXUAL CUDDLING SERVICE
There exists a place called the Cuddlery – you can pay to be cuddled. Don’t pretend you don’t want to be cuddled. They are seeking part-time cuddler. They pay well. They provide training. Here’s the post:
“Do you believe you are an amazing cuddler? We offer flexible hours, 32-80$ per hour. Training offered. We are cuddle therapists who are providing well-being, affection, and support through cuddles (no sexual activities, or nudity).”
KARATE FOR INACTIVE ADULTS
Wanna go from couch potato to Chuck Norris this year? Here’s the post for you:
“Introducing ‘EASY DOES IT’ classes in KARATE for inactive adults in a controlled environment, according to interest and ability. Monday afternoons (4:15-5:15) at St David’s Church on Elizabeth Avenue.”
GRAB A GUILTY PLEASURE MOVIE BUDDY
Are you desperate to see Fifty Shades of Grey too?
“My wife won’t let me go watch the new fifty shades movie with her and her girlfriends. I won’t go with a buddy. I’ll cover the cost of the movie and snacks. Must be half decent to talk with and have a full set of teeth/dentures. Man hungry women need not reply. Remember, just a movie…nothing else, even if you beg!”
CYCLIST SEEKING CYCLISTS TO CROSS THE COUNTRY WITH HIM LIKE THERE’S NOTHING TO IT
Here’s the entirety of the message, stated casually, like it ain’t no thang to meet someone on Signal Hill, shake hands, and bicycle across the friggen country together. Why not. Really. Why not?
“I’m looking for fellow cyclists to cross the country with me.”
DEFY THE IRONY OF A “SOCIAL ANXIETY SUPPORT GROUP”
It’s an important support group that likely works, and we all hope it does. But the irony, c’mon, it’s worth acknowledging: a group, composed of strangers, for people who don’t like groups of strangers.
“ … Talk, share, learn, grow, and overcome social anxiety.”
IF YOUR FRIENDS ARE TOO PRICKISH TO TEACH YOU A GAME OF CARDS
Ever wanted to get in on a game of crib with your pals, but didn’t know how to play … and were too afraid to ask, or else, you asked them to teach you and were called a bloody moron for needing instruction? Were you laughed out of the room? Well, one man in town got your back.
“CAN YOU LEARN TO PLAY BRIDGE IN A DAY? YES YOU CAN! Come & See – You’ll be confidently playing hands before the day is over.”
LOOKING FOR A PROBABLY CREEPY NIGHT OF SURPRISE?
Here’s a very sparely described promise of fun in the entertainment section.
“You want Fifty Shades of Grey? Let’s Get Your Party Started.”