While most of us were at work this morning, a giant golden orb the size of a planet appeared in the sky above St. John’s, alarming residents of St. John’s for both its brightness and the warmth it gave off.
Reporters for The Overcast returned to the office around noon with their sleeves rolled up and top buttons undone, but their bizarre behaviour paled in comparison to that of a faction of the city’s youth, who reacted as if drugged by the Golden Orb. Some wore pants with the legs cut off – a fashion from warmer cities knows aptly as “shorts.”
Others took to bizarre activities such as riding 2-wheeled vehicles, similar in appearance to motorcycles, except riders must peddle them Flintstones-style. Even stranger, some youth were spotted jumping into ponds, or lazing around sandy and unpopulated wastelands by the sea. A quick Google search describe these areas as “beaches.”
Luckily, before further hysteria and body warmth could set in, the Golden Orb vanished from whence it came, and a cold rain fell, returning Newfoundlanders to the dreary, grey vistas we so accurately promise incoming tourists in our tourism commercials.
Meteorologists Ryan Snodden and Eddie Sheer consulted colleagues on the mainland about this brief Golden Orb sighting, and those Torontonians simply laughed, “It’s the friggin sun, b’y. You know: it comes around in the summer?”
“Summer?” Snodden asked, looking to Sheer, who could only shrug his shoulders. Summer, I dunno summer.
Further research into the Golden Orb sun revealed that it is, for most populations, an important source for the synthesis of Vitamin D in humans. Vitamin D is crucial for strong and healthy bones. “Well, that explains it,” said Newfoundland collectively, “It’s no wonder we have such spineless people in politics: sure they got no Vitamin D in ’em, living here!”
