The Bull Horn: Rants, Confessions, and Missed Connections

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Bridge the ‘I Saw You’ Gap

“We crossed paths on that suspension bridge on the East Coast Trail, La Manche. Glad you kinda lingered there. Shy glances, no words, maybe if we weren’t with respective friends, maybe, I dunno, but those looks were leveling. Why am I still thinkin’ ’bout you, Mr. Blue Tee in a white cap?” – What Now?

Miss You Not Catching Me Staring

“School’s out for summer, what a bummer. Miss staring at your reflection in Mrs. X*$X!’s math class window, and wondering about you. In some meaningful way. Complicated like calculus.” – Taken like a Breath.

Um, St. John’s, Be Gentlermen

“Hi there. I’m a 31 year old tourist just trying to enjoy your town. Day 1: My Air BnB host was attractive, yes, but utterly inappropriate with the flirting to the point of, ‘if you need some company later, you have my number, *winkyface*.’ Is there hidden cams in here creepazoid? Lol. At least there was a copy of The Overcast and I found The Bullhorn! Night 2, I dip into your local Tinder offerings, and what a hellhole that is, unless you’re in the market for some very desperate and forward men being clear they just want your body, and hey, here’s some pics of my junk. Night 3: I’m at one of your nicer restaurants, and this man is treating the waitress like he owns her and can say inappropriate things like she’s not doing a job of serving food, but rather, of letting him get his rocks off. Just, in general, a lack of respect for women here, or at least, a lack of grace in interacting with them. That doesn’t turn a gal on. Sorry. Nice puffins and street names though!” – From Maine with Love

A Good Dating Experience

“As much as I think that you might end it at any given time, I have to say thank you for making me believe in dating again. Thank you for not pressuring me to sleep with you. Thank you for not faking it with good morning and good night texts only to stop once you get what you want. Thank you for being honest. My heart might end up hurting because of you, but thank you for not giving me a single reason to think badly of you.” – Grateful

Crushed

“I have the biggest crush on my married coworker. I’d never act on it, but I can’t stop thinking about how much I want to. It’s an exhausting feeling and I wish it would go away.” – Crushed

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Professor Sexy

“I performed poorer than my potential in a course last semester, so I’d have an excuse to have meetings with my prof on how I could do better, and I used that time to perform some A-game flirting, and I got off on it way more than I’ve gotten off on actual sex with dud Tinder hookups. What in the hell does that mean? I miss that prof like I’d miss a lover, a best friend.” – Alonely

Sa-Woon

“And if our hands touch when you hand me the coffee I just bought. And if there’s no one behind me and you’re feeling chatty, ‘have you heard the one about the …,’ and if it’s not busy, and you sit and say hello while I wait for my sandwich. And if I’m reading this all wrong, I don’t care. I’m smitten, Mr., I’m swooning. Those green eyes eat me up and up and up. But I’m sure all the gurlz think those eyes are just for them.” – Swooner.

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Lazy Begets Laziness

“Sometimes when I’m downstairs, the bathroom seems so far away I just pee in my cat’s litter box. Also, I occasionally pay for overnight delivery on new underwear online to avoid doing laundry.” – Lazy Arse

I Saw You

“I saw you, at my next door neighbour’s house with the house sitter. That’s way too close for comfort, stay the hell off my street douchebag.” – Nose Now.

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I See You

“I see you, pretending that you care about the issues all of a sudden, now that you need our support (but it’s funny that I never saw you before). I see you trying fruitlessly to establish opinions that you think are right, that you think won’t alienate anybody, and I see you failing. I see you on social media, suddenly displaying a wholesome, neutral, white-bread, phony image. I see you publicly standing proud as a feminist when privately you are anything but. I see you, and I’m sick of it.” – Citizen

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