The Bull Horn: Rants, Confessions, and Missed Connections

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Radio Geeks

“If you are a radio “geek” looking for some radio station experience –  reliable, calm interested person is needed  to help record a weekly radio show – approximately one hour commitment, necessary training provided on somewhat old-fashioned equipment. Phone 726- 2958.” – C

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Slow the Frig Down!

“Hey all you drivers in a hurry to get to work after the snow storm! I know you need to get wherever you’re going is more important than my safety, but slow the frig down and be considerate of people walking and shovelling. The next person to speed by me while I’m trying to shovel my driveway is getting a load of ice on their windshield. You’ve been warned.” – Surly Shoveller

Found Love Over the Burger Battle!

“Dating is awkward, let’s face it. Coming up with something to do on the 2nd, 3rd dates, and so on. But the burger battle saved two shy recluses here! Date 1 (the Bernard Stanley Overcast burger) went so well, we decied to keep going and going on burger dates. We’re at 8, and we’re as head over heels about each other as we are over most of these burgers. Thanks, Overcast! I recomend a burger speed dating challenges to all reading this, with the caveat that some of these are embarrassingly messy to eat. Just embrace the spirit of the challenge and get messy together every Febraury!” – Re-Burga

Gay Blues

“The worst thing about being gay isn’t the persecution, heteronormative assumptions, or straight people going out of their way to make me feel ‘normal’ and accepted. It’s the fact that for every 1000 possible partners a straight person has, I have the choice of like 10 partners. Newfoundland is too small to be gay in. Always feel like I’m settling for someone here.” – Gay and Lonely

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An Important Message from the OB/GYN

“Please do not cancel on us because of, or in general discuss the following with us: hair is normal, we don’t care if you’ve shaved your legs, or trimmed your ‘area.’ Frankly, it’s weird you’d think you should have. Also, do not cancel an appointment on us because you’re on your period. New Pap smear techniques work around it. Stop thinking about ‘down there’ as gross, it’s not, and if it was, remember we help women give birth. We’ve seen worse. Your self-consciousness about your private parts is not only silly, it’s disruptive to our practice to have you skipping appointments for silly reasons. Lastly, yes, there is over the counter meds for a yeast infection. Like Monistat. It’s easy to treat a yeast infection yourself.” – Dr. Who

Crazy?

“I’ve always had long hypothetical conversations with myself. Like practice before a date or job interview or work meeting, so I can feel prepared for all likely scenarios, and seem riveting, or else, I do it to avoid awkward silences, or unpredictable on-the-spot situations. I never thought it was too weird. But a new roommate came home early yesterday, and she caught me gabbing to myself, and I think she thinks I’m nuts and talk to myself, which has me like: Whoa, is what I do kind of nuts? Do I have an issue? Do I?” – 1 on 1

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This Is My Life

“I assume everyone’s jabbering on about me for sitting in Empire Theatres alone, or, they’re feeling sorry for me for sitting at the bar alone for lunch at Yellowbelly. “Where’s their friends!” Joggers are judging my footwear, the person behind me in line is mad I’m not punching in my debit pin fast enough, much like how the car behind me at a red light is gonna get mad, probably, if I don’t get going soon as it’s green. Wait staff probably hate my order for some reason, and I don’t know my roomate well, so I basically watch TV on mute for fear of bothering him, even though he falls asleep with his on blast. I’m meeker than a mouse. I see it as excessive courtesy, others see it as a lack of fortitude, and now I’m feeling like a dumbo for it.” – Mouse

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Intimacy in the Online Era

“Guys. Is it just me, or are mundane interactions in the real world awkwardly intimate nowadays? The more I get used to interacting with my phone all day, the harder I find it to make eye contact with people. Strangers, I mean. Like, ordering a burger, or during a job interview. I was in a job interview, worried she’d think I was shy or maladjusted from my lack of eye contact, despite my actually being a social extrovert. And it occurred to me, I am a freak now, we all are. We need to get out more. It was never weird 10 years ago to look a bartender in the eye. Now it’s a startlingly intimate interaction.” – Suzie

Dear Drunk Guy

“To the drunk guy I saw on George Saturday night who said “wow wow wow” at me and grabbed my arm as I walked by.  I would have thought you were cute if you instead had struck up a conversation with me and didn’t grasp my arm so hard it hurt.” – Downtown Girl

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Pants-ident

“I was playing a show recently, drunk AF. I sharted, right there on stage. There was runny poo in my pants. I knew it, you just friggen know it. But what was I supposed to do, run off stage, run home, let people find out? I had to finish the set. It made matters worse back there. And I was paranoid AF because I had no way of knowing if it had come through my pants, so, I had no way of knowing if people would see a brown stain on my jeans when I made my great exit for ‘a smoke’ to spook off home and change. To date, I think I made it, but I guess I’ll never know if people knew and have been talking about it, and now I have a new reason to have stage fright.” – Unidentified Local Musician

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