Bay of Exploits with Ed Riche: Walking on Eggshells

"My saying the episode left Humpty Dumpty with 'face on his egg' was terribly insensitive. I apologize for the comment without reservation."

I must take this opportunity to clarify and apologize for an earlier Bay of Exploits column,“Just Another Egg Off The Wall,” my, perhaps misguided attempt to inject some levity into what everyone is now calling “L’Affaire Humpty.”

It is not true that I implied that Mr. Dumpty was tempting fate by going up to sit on a high wall. Nor was I suggesting that eggs should have restrictions placed on their movements, or should not, because of the fragility of their shells,have the same freedoms afforded potatoes, certain squash, or any of the food stuffs from our diverse larder.

But I am informed that many of those readers who could not finish the piece for fear of being triggered took that meaning away anyway. I accept responsibility for any pre-triggering the early passages of the item may have induced.

The essence of many of the complaints The Overcast received is that I was suggesting that Humpty Dumpty, like a drunk going home across a frozen pond on his quad, had it coming, and that this caused a lot of hurt for eggs everywhere. For the record let me state categorically that I think all eggs should be free to sit on all walls.

I did not mean to imply that all the King’s Horses and all the King’s Persons efforts to put Humpty Dumpty back together were half-hearted or that they subscribed to some unwritten “you can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs” policy.

I know of nothing to suggest that all the King’s Horses and all the King’s Persons did less than everything in their power to put Humpty Dumpty back together again.  Nor did I ever suggest that Humpty Dumpty, being a white-shelled egg of privilege, got special treatment.

The point I was trying to make was that the response time of all the King’s Horses and all the King’s Persons was inadequate and that given coming cut backs we had all better develop a taste for scrambled. I’m sorry if that didn’t come across.

Every drawing I have seen of the tragic event shows Mr. Dumpty in trousers, so I believe it is unfair to single me out for anthropomorphizing him. He evidently put on the pants.

My saying the episode left Humpty Dumpty with “face on his egg” was terribly insensitive. I apologize for the comment without reservation.

I quarrel with the assertion that I appropriated the ovate voice. I was once, and some part of me will always be, an egg. Goo goog’joob.  Accusations of my egg-washing are half-baked.

Of course it is 2017 and we are cautioned against “provocation” and encouraged to the more wholesome and uplifting “good discussion.”  Morality squads reviewing work to see that this dictum is honoured should come as no surprise.The Overcast’s editors assure me there are so many more people taking pleasure in being outraged than there are items in the paper about which to be outraged that I should apologize and soldier on.

I’m deeply sorry about what happened to Humpty Dumpty. Sure he might have taken unnecessary risks, had a sense of entitlement, tried passing as human, but he was a good egg.

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