We wish to acknowledge the ancestral, traditional and unceded Aboriginal territory on which T.S.D.B.D.W. will be held and apologize on behalf of those Aboriginal people for their earlier colonization of the north and south American continents and the subsequent extinction of the mastodon, woolly mammoth and giant sloth through overhunting. We apologize for the Y chromosome and European Culture. The conference is carbon neutral so those attending are asked to keep a detailed dietary log.

Monday 9am

This session deals more broadly with the full conference attendee and panelist kit, from techniques for disentangling lanyards and necklaces to using your E.A. or intern as a luggage Sherpa. You are your brand the moment you walk into the conference hotel lobby. Should your dress or shoes always be an on-brand statement colour, or has Chrystia Freeland jumped the shark? The unshaven, open shirt with bespoke suit look has been a boon for conference-going men in recent years, should women consider this option? The difficult question of hats. Can adventuresome socks sell your two piece business suit look as being European, while still broadcasting you harbour a deep and genuine remorse over Europe’s colonial history? The Lagarde Question: How tanned is too tanned? What to do with your hands when you are on a panel. How to hold a microphone to convey authority without sending an unintended message and TED Talk-style hands-free presentation.

Tuesday 2pm

To remain competitive in the conference world, your message needs constant reinforcement. Exploration of how we can reframe old tautologies with buzz words like “innovation,” “engagement,” “stakeholder,” or simply prefacing keywords with “Bio-“ “Inter-“ or “Cis-.” Compound neologisms like “stakeovationment.” How is it that the term “digital” retains its vitality yet “cyber” feels old? How to keep a straight face when using terms like “discoverability.” Use of various pictographs like emojis to convey a sense of meaning in an increasingly post-literate world.

Wednesday 10am

Securing and maintaining that highly compensated University position with little or no teaching responsibility is essential to continuing in the Global conferencing network. You need an office with paid staff and a top salary position with benefits at a University or well-endowed N.G.O. to sustain your conferencing practice. Consultation contracts with increasingly impoverished Governments are profitable only when your operating costs are subsidized by the profits realized from the retail undergraduate education market.

Thursday 10am

Every conference goer has had the crushing experience of returning to the restaurant that was “in” the last time you were in the city, only to find it has been discovered by civilians. If Chowhound knows about a place it is too late. Having a reservation for six to eight at the best new place in town is some of the highest denomination conference currency and puts you out ahead of that most humiliating of conference questions, “Where’s everybody going?


Thursday 11pm

The traditional conference piss-up and f*ckfest not only makes lasting connections, it assures that what happens at the conference stays at the conference by virtue of mutually assured destruction.