Ask Jack and Jill: Talkin’ ’bout Good Vibrations?

Every second Tuesday, two local sex and relationship experts answer you bottled up, anonymous questions.

Ask Jack:

“Hey Jack. What’s a man’s reaction to a woman stimulating her clitoris during sex? I feel a little embarrassed about doing so, but, I like getting to have an orgasm too!” – Good Vibrations

Hey Good Vibrations,

Go to town! One of three things will happen: A. ) He won’t care, B.) he’s going to find it really and incredibly hot, or, C.) he’s going to be some half-assed lover who thinks you should be more focussed on his getting off than yours. No one wants a “C.)” lover, right? Personally, I’m all for feeling like, and seeing, that the woman is getting off too. Vaginal sex only brings, like, 1 in 100 women to climax, and knowing that makes sex a bit selfish for me. But seeing her getting vaginal and clitoral stimulation at once let’s me relax about what she’s getting out of our intimate encounter. I don’t wanna finish up with her only getting started. To be honest, I kind of thought this is what all couples do, so, I’m surprised you’re feeling “embarrassed” by doing what I thought was the norm.

Ask Jill

“Hi Jill. What are some of the best vibrators on the market you’d recommend?”- Vibes McGee

Hey Vibes McGee,

This is such an impossible question to answer because there is no such thing as “the best vibrator.”  There are best sellers in the adult toy world, of course, but it all comes down to personal preference in the end. What works for one person won’t necessarily work for another person.   For me?  I like the OKIYA Fantasy Trio.  I am not a big fan of a vibrating sensation in general but this one moves instead of vibrating. That’s “my best vibrator” but it probably won’t be yours.  I’ve spent about eight years of my life working in the adult toy industry and it took a lot of experimenting to find a toy that worked best for me.

Before you purchase any adult toy, you need to think about what kind of stimulation you like best.
Are you in love with clitoral stimulation? Do you only want to be penetrated with no clitoral stimulation at all? Are you looking for an anal toy? There are many things to consider.  Sit and think about what it is you’re looking for so that you don’t end up purchasing a toy that is not really suited for you.

Also, if you’ve never actually bought a vibrator before, don’t spend too much on your first couple of toys.  Figure out what you like at first and then splurge on some fancier toys.  You’re on the brink of discovering exactly what kind of stimulation you want from a toy. If you spend $200 on a toy with all the bells and whistles and you get it home and you hate it, then you will have spent a lot of money on something you may never use again. Go cheaper at first … stay cheaper forever if you like. The truth is, there are some really awesome toys that cost ten bucks. There are also, some great toys that are 300 bucks.  Expensive isn’t always better!  If you actually go out and buy a few toys to experiment, feel free to write me back and I’d be more than happy to recommend you some specific products based on the kind of stimulation you enjoy.  Good luck and have fun!

“Jill, I love my boyfriend and I love having sex with him, but mostly for the intimacy. Truth is, he’s not very big and it’s impossible for me to get off without my vibrator. We use it in bed but every time I take it out, I feel like it makes him feel like he can’t satisfy me. Am I being selfish?” – Pancake

Hi Pancake,

(I’m going to assume you’re a female and I apologize if I assumed incorrectly)

The majority of women do not orgasm from penis in vagina penetration.  So, the fact that he doesn’t have a large penis might not be the reason you cannot climax from sex without your vibrator. A human penis doesn’t buzz or have ten vibration patterns so a regular old penis might not seem as exciting to some.  (However, there are penis sleeves that he can wear to make him longer/girthier. Some of them may even have beads or little bumps for added stimulation. You might want to consider something like that?)

You didn’t say what kind of vibrator it is … is it something you insert or is it strictly for clitoral stimulation? I’m a big fan of never relying on just one way of cumming.  Sometimes, in doing so, you are depriving yourself of the magic of variety.   I’m also not a big fan of using toys in the bedroom every single time I am intimate with my partner … but that’s just me.  Mouths and hands can do wonderful things if they are left to explore a little bit.

Have you talked to him and asked him what his feelings were in regards to you and your vibrator?  If he’s ok with it, then there’s no harm at all in continuing to do what you do. If he does feel weird or insecure about it, then I think, yes, it would be selfish to continue to haul it out every time you have sex.

Every second Tuesday, two local sex and relationship experts answer you bottled up, anonymous questions. Use the anonymous form below

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