Ask Jack & Jill: September Vol.1

Every second Tuesday, two local sex and relationship experts will take your anonymous questions ...

 Ask Jill:

“Looking for some advice on a sensitive subject. My long-time partner,  whom I love dearly, thinks she is overweight, or in her words, “getting fat.” This is most certainly not the case, most people that see her tell her she looks like she has lost weight, something I agree with. She isn’t skin and bones by any means, she looks healthy, and beautiful, I think so at least, and I tell her this whenever I can. The problem is that she is saying it so much, that I’m becoming annoyed with hearing the same thing, having the same conversation, day in, day out. I tell her that I don’t think she is fat, or getting fat, but she doesn’t believe me, and thinks I’m just saying that so I won’t hurt her feelings. I have my own body issues so I understand where she’s coming from, we’re usually our own worst critics, but the constant talking about it, standing there looking at me, waiting for me to tell her I think she is gaining weight (again, I don’t, and she isn’t) has gone from cute to downright aggravating. She doesn’t have an eating disorder, she neither eats too much or too little, like I said, she’s healthy. I just don’t know what to say or how to react anymore, and lately my reaction is annoyance. I try to keep that from her, but I find it slipping out of my mouth, as in “Again . . . I don’t think you’re fat . . final answer.” Which I know is insensitive and rude, but it’s become such a routine (every…single…day) that I can’t help but be annoyed by it, I don’t know what to say anymore and I’m sick of hearing about it. Any advice on how to deal with this, other than telling her to be quiet and go to the gym if it bothers her that much? I feel like that’s what she would say to me if it were reversed.” -Frustrated INC

I can totally understand your frustration with your partner. Having to repeat yourself day in and day out to someone who isn’t actually listening to what you say can be terribly frustrating. The thing is, if your partner thinks she is fat but she isn’t, there is probably something a lot more serious going on inside of her.  Please don’t tell her to be quiet and go to the gym, instead, suggest that she go see her family doctor to discuss how she feels.  Stress to her that you are worried about how she’s been acting and ask her if there’s anything going on to make her so worried about her weight. She could be feeling insecure about something totally unrelated and it’s just manifested itself into some major body issues.

I’ve been there, dude. I remember having the same conversations with an ex-partner years ago.  I totally believe that I convinced him that I was less than because I told him I was so very often. He had no choice but to believe me eventually. If your partner doesn’t want to go talk to her doctor, you can always suggest doing what I did. I forced myself to stop thinking badly about my body. If I started to think negatively, I would tell myself one positive thing about me instead. Yeah, ok…my belly isn’t flat as a board, but I’ve got some killer boobs. Or, hey, my nose is a little piggish looking but my imagination is beautiful and strong and my hair looks good most days. It might seem silly and it may be hard at first, but try getting her to do that. Go buy her a little notebook and make her write down the positives, every time she feels the need to.  She doesn’t need you to tell her that she’s beautiful and that she isn’t fat as much as she needs to tell herself those things.

~~~

“Being a vegan myself, I’ve only been dating other vegetarian/vegan guys over the past few years by coincidence, but had dated many carnivores before this. I can seriously say that semen has always tasted drastically better with the veg/vegan guys, but I just started to see a really cool meat-eater. It may be chance but oral sex is kinda unpleasant due to the strong taste. Do you think its rude of me to recommend cutting back on meat just as a test? It helped with a guy in the past who offered. I really think it may help and we’d both enjoy it more but I don’t want to impose my lifestyle choices at all.” – Vegan 

Yes, I do think it would be rude to suggest that this man change his diet to suit you. Would you start eating meat if he said he liked the taste of meat-eaters better? Even just as a test? You’re going to have to get used to it, or not let him ejaculate in your mouth, if you find it so unpleasant. I’m so sorry if this comes off as harsh, but I just think that people have enough body issues to deal with without having to worry about silly things like the taste of their semen.

Got a bottled-up question for Jack or Jill? The form below is completely anonymous 

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