Ask Jack and Jill, June 2014 Part 1 (18+)

Every Second Tuesday, Two Local Sex & Relationship Experts Answer Your Bottled-up Questions.

Ask Jack:

“Now that there’s, from what I can tell, a new “Jack,” can I ask the contentious first question again? For those of use growing up in The Age of Internet Porn, where women need to look like pre-pubescent dolls and always have their vaginas waxed, I’m wondering if that’s what the under 40 man expects now, when they hauls my pants off? Is it kind of an expectation now, that I’d have myself waxed down there? Because no thanks.” – Born This Way

Yes, I believe I am the third “Jack,” actually. And no, whatever you choose to do down there is no more surprising to a guy, or no more full of expectations, than what you do with the hair on your head.

I’ve asked around a little to confirm this for you: no one’s surprised to see you have all your hair or none of it. It’s a stylistic choice, like the dress you wore on your first date. In my experience, and that of a few friends I’ve asked for the sake of getting you a true report, the majority of women in St. John’s are typically somewhere between au naturel and waxed. Whatever you’d call that — clipped? groomed? — would be what most guys are used to seeing. But there’s no “expectations” of you being shaved, clipped, or au naturel.

I know this was a question of expectation, not male preference, but let’s go there anyway, to put all aspects of the conversation to bed? Pubic hair is a natural thing, and a proper lady bush is a turn-on to some, as much as a shaved one is a turn-on to others. Depends on the guy, and your body doesn’t exist for his pleasure anyway. Here’s one friend’s comment, “It’s a sign of an empowered woman, not to give into expectations or trends. A shaved vagina just doesn’t suit some women anyway, the way trendy beards don’t suit certain men.”

“Jack: A guy I thought I was hitting it off with gave me the wrong number! Is that totally, 100% proof he was just blowing me off and not interested?” – Wrong Number Blues

These Q&As can’t do more than speculate on certain questions. Obviously, that’s possible, it’s a pretty classic, albeit lame way to dismiss a person without having to do the awkward business of declining someone to their face. But it’s also kind of outdated: it’s 2014, if you really wanted to find him you could, on Facebook, Twitter, the phone book, LinkedIn, or any other number of places. And for such a small town, the wrong-number slip isn’t going to ensure you two never see each other again. He must know that. So it’s possible it really was a mistake.

Did you give him your number? If not, there’s no harm in emailing him (shouldn’t be hard to get that off a friend of a friend in this city; you must know someone who knows him?). Just tell him the truth, you’re interested in him and the number didn’t work. The worst that can happen is he has to man-up and be honest with you and you get the closure to move on to someone with a stronger spine. The best that can happen is you’ll make his day and fall in love.

Ask Jill:

“Hi Jill, is there a good sexual position you would recommend for a guy with a smaller penis. I’m not being saucy or insensitive, just curious: we’re talking 3 inches here.” – Anon

Hey Anon,

Hands down, doggie style is the best position for a partner that is a little bit on the smaller side. In this position, someone with a smaller penis can get deeper than they would in any other position.

“My girlfriend is always throwing it in my face that her ex-boyfriend would have sex with her when she was on her period. She’s saying it is anti-feminist that I ‘find her gross down there’ when she is having her period. I don’t ‘find it gross,’ I just feel it’s natural to not have sex during that time of the month. Am I wrong, or in the minority, or a jerk, if it’s not something I am into? Inferior Boyfriend

Oh darling.  Do not feel inferior. You’re not wrong, or a jerk.  If you were dying to have anal sex with her and she wasn’t into it, would you try to make her feel bad about that? Tell her that your last girlfriend died for a bit of anal so there must be something wrong with her if she doesn’t want it? Probably not.

You don’t owe it to her to have sex with her while she’s menstruating. It doesn’t matter what her previous partners did, if it’s not what you want, don’t do it. No one should be made to feel bad for not wanting to do something sexually that they aren’t into.  I think it’s a shitty thing for her to try to manipulate you into doing it by trying to make you feel bad/guilty about your choice. Tell her she’s being a jerk and that it’s not ok for her to pressure you like that.

“Jack” and “Jill” are monikers for two local sex & relationship experts, and they’re here to honestly answer your bottled-up questions, every second Tuesday. Use the completely anonymous form below to submit a question

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