Every Second Tuesday, Two Local Sex & Relationship Experts Answer Your Bottled-up Questions.
“Hey Jack, is the ‘spit or swallow’ thing really a thing, or is it some outdated thing? Like, do you really care what a woman does?” – BJane
Hey there, BJane,
Some men have a swallow fetish (which is weird, if you ask me), while others might find it gross if you swallow, but 100% of men will agree on one thing: the main thing is, spit OR swallow — it’s great if a woman doesn’t stop the amazing thing she’s doing as we come. what you do with it once it’s in your mouth is your prerogative. Someone women swallow simply because they don’t like the taste and it’s the quickest way to rid their mouth of it. Ultimately oral sex is a lead up to the precious orgasm, right? So if you haul away as the guy is having his orgasm, his orgasm isn’t half as pleasurable because you’ve stopped the blowjob on him just when he’s climaxing from how good it feels. Whether you spit or swallow doesn’t matter to most of us, if you’re willing to let us finish up the way we want to (still being blown). That said, you should feel ZERO pressure to do either of those things if you don’t want a guy going off in your mouth. He’d have to be a real jerk to give you flack for taking cover as he comes, and you’re too good for that kind of guy, because he’s lucky to have you down there in the first place. In fact, some men don’t want to ejaculate from a blowjob, they want the tightness and pressure of jerking, or being jerked off, in those last few seconds.
“Hi Jack, not to sound too much like a clueless little girl, but really, what are the true signs a man is into you. My friends say I’m reading into things too much.” – Anon
Hi there, Anon.
You just know, because he’ll let you know without trying. For example: when you text or email him, does he respond in a mere “hah” or a yes or no, or does he respond in big honking paragraphs, ending in questions, so as to not end the dialogue? In your conversations, does he express interest in specific things about you, from your hobbies and dreams, to your latest achievements, and so on. How often are the two of you hanging out ALONE? if you’re co-workers, and he runs out of staples, does he go to you for some, or, more logically, to the supplies closet — by which I mean: is he finding excuses to be around you? You’ll know if a guy is interested in you because he will be, well, interested in you — asking you about yourself, about what you like, and why, and how come, and he’ll want your opinion on things. He will appear to have a ton of fun in your presence, and there’ll be a reason for that: you.
“Hi Jill, I’m wondering, if you suffer from premature ejaculation, (I’m a two-minute man, tops), if you should tell the woman up front, or, just do your thing and apologize later? What kills the mood more, being up front as things get going, or, just letting things unfold and end a lil’ early?” – PE Pete
I think that before you worry about having a discussion with a potential sexual partner, you might want to try a few things first. When you masturbate, experiment with edging. Edging or orgasm control is when you stop just as things start to feel really good. You can start right up again in 20 or 30 seconds (or more. You’ll find out what works for you the more you experiment) and just before you reach the point of orgasm again, stop. Do this over and over until you’re good and ready to climax. It takes practice to get good at controlling your orgasms, but who doesn’t love masturbating, right? So, practice away!
Also, there are so many products on the market that help men deal with premature ejaculation. There are condoms that have a slight numbing gel inside them to keep you from orgasming too soon. As well, there are desensitizing sprays, creams and gels galore that do the same! You’ll still be able to feel all the wonderfulness of sex, but you’ll be just a little desensitized.
When you do find yourself with a new partner, practice starting and stopping. A great way to do this is to switch positions when things start feeling really awesome. Start in missionary, switch to doggie style, flip her over so she can be on top. If you decide that you do want to talk to your partner about your premature ejaculation, do it way way way before you are in the heat of the moment with her or discuss it after the fact. Don’t do it during foreplay. If you’re having sex with her and you come within two minutes, tell her it’s because she’s awesome and then go back to pleasuring her with your hands or mouth or both. You guys can talk later. Good luck!
“I’ve started sleeping with a guy who lasts a super long time. It’s fun for sure, but the marathon sex isn’t what I’m always going for (sometimes a little wham bam is the best). I’m kind of like a guy in the sense that once I come I like to be done — I enjoy sticking around for a bit more of course for him, but 45 minutes more is just too much! Any advice on how to speed things up a bit?“ – Calm Yer Bird
If you find sex is taking far too long for you, talk to your partner. Some guys masturbate beforehand so that they last longer. Maybe this is what’s going on with him. It’s a common misconception that all sex has to be marathon sex and that isn’t always the case. I don’t think it has anything to do with being male or female, actually. I know some women who are very wham bam-ish and some guys who want sex and cuddling to go on and on. It’s just a personal preference.
If you find out that masturbating before you guys hook up isn’t his deal then try lots and lots of foreplay beforehand. Making out is fun and SO VERY enjoyable so try adding more of that to your bedroom itinerary. With all that extra stimulation, maybe the actual act of intercourse won’t last quite so long.
“Jack” and “Jill” are monikers for two local sex & relationship experts, and they’re here to honestly answer your bottled-up questions, every second Tuesday. Use the competely annonymous form below to submit a question.