Ask Jack and Jill: December 2014 Part I

Ask Jack

Howdy Jack! I have a fiancée who really likes doggy style because he really enjoys the ‘levrage’ of having hips to hold onto and really go to town, and that’s fine, I get it, but is there any other such sex positions that allow him ‘leverage’ that’ll feel a little more personal? You know, us facing each other, eye contact, my face not buried in a pillow or whatever?” – Just Wondering

Hi Just Wondering.

I’d recommend consulting a bookstore for a 500-page book on sex positions, but here’s two I know of and think will work for you:

Lie on your side, open your legs like scissors. He kneels into you, with one of your legs below him (between his legs) and he has the leg you’ve cocked in air – as well as your back – to straddle with one arm. A variation on this is if your hips are at the edge of a bed, and he is standing. I think they call this “The Pretzel Dip,” but it’s not as complicated as the name would imply. Here is an image. I think this is the position you two should try. It gives you the intimacy you’re after, plus, you’ll have two free hands, and he’ll have one or two as well.

There is also the “G-Whiz,” which will give him what you’re calling “leverage” while also – they say – letting him target your G-spot. You lie on your back, raise your legs up, and rest where your knees bend on his shoulders. He’ll have your legs and hips for leverage then. This requires compatibility in your heights to really work best. Here is a pic. There is the option for him to grab your hips, or press your legs against his chest for leverage.

One more for good measure: there’s “The Pinball Wizard,” but not everyone can get this one to work. Here is a pic.

Ask Jill

” Jill: I’m looking for some creative ideas for a date! I am trying to find something to do that will bring out a different side of my date. So far we have had drinks and gone for walks, but I’m looking for something that allows them to express a part of their personality that may be more reserved or hidden behind date nervousness. Any ideas?” - Bored of being bored

My advice? Do silly things together. Acting a little silly can often be the perfect thing to help end a bout of nerves. Do something weird like buying white sheets at Value Village and going for a walk dressed as ghosts. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being absurd to ease the tension!

If you’re not prepared to be weird, and are looking for something a little more “normal,” why not make plans for an overnight date and drive to Middle Cove beach with hot chocolates and stay there until the sun rises. You can spend that time just talking without being in a bar /restaurant setting.

Road trips are always a great way to get to know someone. You can each make mix CDs or create playlists to listen to while you drive. Long drives also mean tons of time to chat.
Or, invite them over and make them dinner. While you wait you can draw portraits of each other and hang them on the wall. After dinner, build a fort together, crawl inside to cuddle and watch a scary movie. I am a big fan of spending hours lying on a bed, listening to records and just talking as well. Simple, but so nice.

Just have fun! There’s no need to be incredibly serious when you first start dating. Getting to know someone can be something that takes a lot longer than a date or two and it doesn’t have to be difficult. Just relax and have fun together. Go on quick mini dates. Go out for milkshakes. Get a little drunk and play truth or dare. There are so many tiny things you can do together and before you know it, you’ll know this person inside and out.

“Dear Jill: What’s the best way to tell someone that you probably won’t have a orgasm with them, and that they shouldn’t even try to give you one?” - Kara with a kay

I think you should just focus on how sex with this person feels and not so much on the end result. I don’t believe there is a need to come right out and say, “Hey, don’t bother trying to give me an orgasm because it won’t work.” That could make any sexual activity you participate in with this person feel sort of awkward. Also, it may give the impression that perhaps you are not expecting this to feel good at all or that you are not willing to just let go and have fun during sex. Just go with it. Make out without inhibitions and just enjoy yourself and stop worrying about what may or may not happen!

At least one Tuesday a month, two if there’s ample questions, two local sex and relationship experts answer your bottled up, anonymous questions. Use the anonymous form below to ask yours.