Ask Jack and Jill: Boston Cremes, Kiss Coaching, and Co-worker Crushes

Twice a month, two local sex and relationship writers take your anonymous questions

Ask Jack:

“So, um, at a party recently I heard people joking about ‘Boston Cremes.’ I had no idea this was even a thing people joked about, and certainly not that it was a bad trait. Now I’m kind of mortified to take my shirt off with a guy! help? is this a turn off for guys?” – BC

For those reading who don’t know what “Boston Cremes” are, they are breasts were the nipples are so big they cover a significant portion of the breast. I.e, they look like boston creme donuts.

Listen,  Boston Creme Boobs aren’t a bad thing, they’re just a thing.  While every guy likely has a preferred nipple shape, size, and even colour — it’s only in theory, or insofar as looking at strangers in a porn magazine goes. In the real live world, no man is ever going to tuck your boobs back into your bra after seeing them, no matter what kind of breasts or nipples or body type you have. Trust me. They’re just going to be all excited to have breasts at their disposal. And if they really like you: they’ll just be thrilled to have you, naked, in their bed. Superficial preferences from their jerk-off fantasy worlds go out the window.

You can’t have “wrong booobs,” just the ones that suit you. I’m not being cheesy: I more or less know what a woman’s breasts will look like before I see them, because you all have the breasts that naturally suit you. Anyway, think of it this way: If you prefer an uncircumsized penis, as a rule, but a man you’re interested in is circumcised, is it really a dealbreaker? I would hope not. What’s the difference?

Ask Jill:

“I’ve been working with someone who I really like and I would like to tell him how I feel. He does have a partner , yet I can’t help but feel there is something there and maybe he feels it too. If there was no partner , the answer would clearly be to tell the person how i feel. but since this person is dating someone, perhaps I am imagining that he likes me back. should I talk to him about it anyway? I dont want to make things awkward or push him away.” – Crushed

I think the best advice I can give you right now is to just let it be.  Unless he approaches you and tells you his relationship is non-monogamous or that he has just ended it with his partner, you should try focusing your attention elsewhere.  Respecting the fact that he is involved with someone else is your best bet.

I know we can never really help how our hearts behave or who we fall for, but I think the nice thing to do would be to let it go. I wouldn’t talk to him about it. If he doesn’t feel the same, it might get awkward. On the other hand, if he does feel the same and he is still in a relationship, perhaps he’s not the sort of person you would want to be involved with anyway.

“Is there a polite way to tell a guy he kisses horribly, like a dog lapping water? I never thought kissing could ruin an otherwise nice relationship. It’s a lot of tongue!  Too much. If thats what he likes, won’t it ruin our intimacy to deny him that? Is kissing incompatibility really a thing, who knew? – Trough Mouth Girl

Absolutely! Kissing is always nicer when you’re kissing style matches that of the person you are with. For example, I once dated a guy who always kissed with a lot of tongue and it got to the point that I didn’t want to kiss him at all. Ever. Kissing might seem like small stuff but for me, and it sounds like for you too, it really matters.

When I was in your position, I would ask the guy I was dating to play kissing games with me. Sound lame? Perhaps it was, but it worked. We would kiss in all sorts of ways; soft, hen peck kisses, sliding our lips back and forth against the other person’s lips without actually kissing,  lightly biting, tongues barely touching, open mouth kisses, etc … Whenever we would kiss in a way that I loved, I would tell him so. Eventually we found a way of kissing that fitted us both. When he would use too much tongue I would punch him and say “TOO MUCH!” and we’d laugh. He didn’t seem to mind.  Why don’t you grab a blanket, head down to Victoria Park and watch the stars and play kissing games some night. Maybe it will work for you too!

“Jack” and “Jill” are monikers for two local sex & relationship experts, and they’re here to honestly answer your bottled-up questions, every second Tuesday. Use the completely anonymous form below to submit a question

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