Ask Jack and Jill: April Vol. 2 of 2

Ask Jack:

In Jack’s last batch of questions, someone basically asked, “… Are some people really asexual…” Below, Jimbob reacts to Jacks answer:

“Jack, I’m assuming your quite a handsome lady’s man. Otherwise you would have never gone for “asexual” as the answer. Yes, there are asexual people, but in the “crowded bar” scenario you mentioned, there are about a dozen guys who have never or rarely made the first move on a woman because they think she’s too good-looking for him, because they lack confidence, because they’re scared of rejection, whatever. This scenario is obviously stranger and more unusual to you than the idea of asexuality, which seems like you’ve passed over a more likely answer for the least likely one. Maybe his dick is one inch long, maybe he’s got one ball? Also options, I suppose, but most likely it’s something less extreme. Hey, also, maybe he really likes her as a friend, but is not attracted to her physically? The best advice here is for her to make the FIRST MOVE. We’re all feminists here right? Equal rights? If she wants things to move to the next level, what is she waiting for? To have the gentleman open the door for her? Come on! – Jimbob

Jimbob,
You’re right, I’m quite the handsome devil: I walk into a bar and every woman topples lover ike a fainting goat — then I take my pick, and help her back to her feet, and we saunter off into the night. Kidding, very much so.  I’m no lady’s man, and you do raise a good point, and I hope the woman — who asked if it’s possible the man she’s feeling chemistry with is asexual — is reading your response. Yes — the things you mentioned are likely too. But I read her question to be: Are some men really asexual or is that a myth. The answer’s no, it’s not a myth. In any case, I’m with Jimbob, “Blue Girl.” Make the first move anyway. Run with it, see where it goes.

“Straight-up, seriously — why is the internet full of men ejaculating on women? Every porn site is basically women covered in a man’s ejaculate, and in what twisted way do men get off degrading women like that?” – Anon

Well, while it can be perceived as degrading, that’s not the intention of the man doing the ejaculating. If you ask most guys who are into doing that, their answer would simply be, “I dunno, it’s hot,” which I verified by polling a few people a while back. No one said, “to be nasty.” For men who like to ejaculate on their partners, it’s about visual satisfaction during, and to heighten, the orgasm — not degradation. Men tend to be very visual, when it comes to getting off, and sex is largely about the orgasm. So when he comes, and there’s a beautiful, naked woman in front of him, it can be very sexually gratifying to have your orgasm all over that beautiful woman. It’s basically that simple — some men find it sexy to ejaculate on a woman’s body, sexy, not degrading. It amplifies those precious moments before he comes, who knows why. Men love two things dearly: naked women and ejaculating — combing the two really gets a lot of men off.  Plain and simple. But if the woman feels degraded by a man doing this, she shouldn’t allow it, obviously. It would be a pretty sick and twisted thing to get off on degrading your partner. I’m sure some men are doing it for that reason, but most are not. They’re just doing it for the sexual gratification of seeing their precious orgasm meet their precious partner in a very visual way.

Ask Jill

“What’s the protocol on approaching a friend to be more than friends — do it or don’t? We’re talking close friends here. We see each other once a week in the grander circle of our tight-knit friends. I have feelings for him, but I’m afraid sharing them will ruin things not only for us, but, that it’ll also make things weird in our social circle. I’m waiting for the feelings to just go away! They won’t. They get stronger.” – Tongue Tied

Hey Tongue Tied,
There’s no protocol, not really. Go for it! Beautiful things happen when you’re open and honest and not afraid to put yourself out there. What do you gain by holding the way you feel for him inside? Yeah, you can scribble his name on your notebooks, make mix tapes with all the songs that remind you of him, swoon over photos of him and maybe even french kiss your pillow at night, pretending it’s him but it will never go any further than that. I’m assuming you want more than that, no?

Just do it. If it doesn’t work out, you will eventually get over it and move on. Broken hearts always heal. It may be awkward for a bit, but laugh about it together. If, however, it turns out he’s into you as well, then how amazing would that be? If you don’t tell him, you’ll never know. Good luck!

 “Hi Jill, I’m getting up there. 33. But I’m still really turned on by “fingering” a girl. I hate even saying the word, is there another, classier word for it? I’m wondering if this is weirding women out? Should I be beyond my heavy petting high school days, or, is fingering still standard foreplay for adults? I never questioned it until recently, when a woman asked me if I was kidding.” Anon

A classier word?  Manual stimulation works, but it doesn’t sound nearly as deliciously dirty, does it?
“Fingering” may sound like a high school term but so what? How hot was it to make out when you were in high school? Everything was a little forbidden and always so exhilarating. I think as we get older, we tend to forget about how exciting it was learning about our bodies and our partner’s bodies and what kind of stimulation we enjoyed. Intercourse becomes the main focus these days and sometimes we forget to just play and explore. Heavy petting should never go out of style. Ever.

Of course, every partner you have is going to like different things. Some women love being fingered, others are not into it at all.  It should not weird anyone out, it’s just a thing that happens sometimes. Not just as foreplay but sometimes as the main course. Have mercy!

If you’re turned on by it, it’s not wrong. It’s what you like. No one should judge you for that. I mentioned this question to a girlfriend of mine and we both agreed that fingering is lovely. If you check out youporn or redtube or any sites like those, you will find TONS of fingering porn. You’re so very obviously not alone!

“Jack” and “Jill” are monikers for local sexual health experts, and will answer two questions each every second Tuesday. Submit your questions withe anonymous form below

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5 Comments

  • I thought Jack’s answer was spot on. I’ve often wondered why men like facials, etc, and it’s nice to hear that it’s not so much about degradation or control, and just about visual stimulation.

    If a guy thinks it’s hot to jizz on my face, then I say go for it. I totally understand if other gals aren’t into it, but pleasing my partner pleases me.

  • No! It’s useful to have a guy’s blunt honesty, even if the truth is caustic. That’s not the trouble here. The trouble here is you can’t talk about Facials without ruffling a few feathers! That’s all that’s happening, the column isn’t flawed, it’s just the kind that’s bound to cause a stir from time to time. I hear you that it doesn’t really fit with the paper’s mandate, but, all these types of paper’s have Savage Love or something like it. I think it’s cool your column is answering the questions of LOCALS, instead of leaving us to other people’s questions.

  • This is why I (Chad) kind of hate having a sex and relationship Q&A — it is not supporting local art and business, which is the mandate of the paper, and will offend as many people as it pleases, yet, so many people insisted we have this column, and, these Jack and Jill posts receive significantly more hits than most posts. What to do. Hand over the column entirely to “Jill,” pay her “Jack’s” cut? It’s been the same Jill since the start, with no complaints, but all three “Jacks” have gotten some flack, which clearly means the idea of having a man answer questions pertaining to female sexuality is a recipe for disaster. and not worth the option of people having the choice of a male/female perspective?

  • To be fair to Jack, he didn’t say women shouldn’t feel degraded. He said the intention of the man is not to degrade the woman. Seems he was just being honest, and I didn’t hear him say we SHOULDN’T find it degrading. It’s up to the woman on the receiving end if it’s degrading, it’s her prerogative. I don’t, I just find it silly and gross, men being boys about their precious junk.

    The real problem here is sex and relationship columns are fundamentally dumb – people asking strangers things they should be asking their partners or crushes. “I know we’re friends, but I like you, how do you feel about that?” or “I want to come on your tits, how do you feel about that?” Ask the person in front of you, people, not some damn stranger.

  • Can we ban together and decide not to ask anything of any value or importance to Jack? And if we do, we should be ready to receive a chauvinistic and insensitive answer displaying very little thought or depth.

    Take your informal poll, jizz all over it and then tell me you don’t feel degraded.

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