“It’s not that your employers are uptight, it’s that you miss too many shifts, which — think about it! — is a pain for them. Someone also needs to tell you that you have the social skills of a lobotomized hounddog — oops, I just did! — and require an astonishing degree of basic tips in customer service, like put your phone away when a customer is asking a question, and cover your mouth when you burp. Especially if it’s going to smell that foul. It’s like you eat shit-filled baby diapers for breakfast. EVERY DAY.”– Your Former Co-worker Who No Longer Has to Fake a Friendship